


For the very first time there I see , someone with the same pains as me.

by stariIiea



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Clay | Dream Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream and Toby Smith | Tubbo are Siblings, Dead Toby Smith | Tubbo, Depressed TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Dream feels guilty, I made myself sad while writing this, I made this at like 1am, Suicide, Toby Smith | Tubbo Angst, Toby Smith | Tubbo-centric, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Has a Bad Time, basically the entire smp is sad, dream has a Bad Time, tubbo feels guilty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:01:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29213106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stariIiea/pseuds/stariIiea
Summary: What if when Tubbo found Tommy's tower, it really broke him?[ TITLE FROM ''My R'' ][ PLEASE DONT READ THIS IF YOU HAVE PROBLEMS WITH SU//C//DE
Comments: 4
Kudos: 224





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First fic kinda nervous :')

''Meeting dismissed.'' 

Tubbo quickly got up and started to walk over to the ender portal.  
Today was a big day! He was going to visit Tommy.

Tubbo had felt a lot of guilt lately, whenever he visited- Tommy always ignored him or... never talked to him! 

It hurt, and Tubbo felt as if Tommy hated him. But it's fine! He'd be able to apologize today. 

As he stood between the obsidian walls, a wave of heat flew at him. He started to walk across the broken path.  
The nether was very dangerous. Tubbo had to avoid multiple ghasts and pigmen, but it would be worth it. 

And there it stood, the portal to his best friend. 

He inhaled, walking through the portal, ready to see the face of Tomm- 

As the wind whipped around, Tubbo stood silently- staring out at the remains of Tommy's exile site. 

''W-- What happened?!'' He gasped as he looked around at the rubble. The site was exploded... completely gone.  
but- where was Tommy?

The brunette looked around, trying to find the blonde boy. He failed, and was about to head back to his portal when- 

A extremely tall, ugly looking tower loomed over the land. 

Tubbos heart dropped.

''Surely not--''

The tower went all the way up to the build limit, above the clouds. It was almost like he could see someone sitting up there. 

He panicked, quickly grabbing blocks and building up to the figure on the pillar.  
But when he got up- there was nothing. Just the long, long way down. 

...  
Tubbo sat down on the pillar, staring out at the night sky.

And he started to sob. 

Sobs mixed with apologies, screams, and weeps. 

He was so zoned out that he didn't even realize his nails digging into his palms, drawing blood. 

His best friend, gone? 

Was this his fault? Did he cause this? Was this-- 

He caused this.

If he didn't exile Tommy, his friend wouldn't be dead. 

Tubbo shakily got up, staining the top of the pillar with blood. 

''We were supposed to do this together- We were... supposed to get the discs back...''

The short brunette took out a step towards the edge. 

''We were--''

Step. 

''...''

Step.

''...''

He imagined it in his head, Tommy in the exact same situation.  
Tommy died hating him- he hates him. He hates him? 

No, he should be alive, he'd never-  
He'd never die because of dream--  
...  
He didn't die because of dream.

He died because of me. 

Tubbo took out a enderchest, taking out the disc Tommy had trusted him with. 

He placed it on the top of the pillar, as a final goodbye , you could say. 

...

Step.

He fell, the wind was so loud.

It was all so loud.

...

Tubbo was falling. There was no going back. This was it.

''I'll come with you.'' The boy muttered, smiling as he soon gave up. 

...

''TUBBO!''

He didn't think someone would be there.


	2. Shouting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its a long way down, isn't it?

Dream flew through the ocean, ready to mock the broken blonde.   
The water splashed everywhere as he leaped out of the water, and landed infront of the tent.

''Ooh Tommy? '' He grinned, adjusting his mask and going to look around.

There was a muffled sound coming from somewhere. Dream couldn't figure it out.

He peeked into Tnret. Well, the remains of it. Nothing... shouldn't Tommy be here? 

He focused a bit more on the sound- Was it crying? He turned to where he thought it came from-- and there it was.

The large, large tower. A small glow came from the top. It looked like an enderchest.

What was that? -- A figure appeared, it seemed someone was on top of the pillar.

Clay squinted, staring at the short figure. It didn't look like Tommy, but nobody else would be here. 

Why would it not be Tomm-

He noticed the figure slowly move closer to the ledge.  
And that's when it hit him.   
The moon lit up the face of the crying brunette.   
Clay knew he recognized his brother. Before he could do anything, Tubbo fell. 

Dream screamed. ''TUBBO!'' He quickly went into his inventory, trying to find something.

Nothing. Why was he not carrying anything?! Where was his water buckets, HE SHOULD HAVE SOME! 

Dream ran towards the pillar, trying to reach out to catch his falling brother. 

...

His communicator buzzed. 

A loud scream was heard. Dream didn't realize, but it was him who was screaming.

[Tubbo_ fell from a high place.] 

'' NO NO NO-- HEY, WAKE UP. '' The desperate man shook his brother, believing that it was some prank. 

[ Tommyinnit: WHAT THE FUCK. ]  
[ Nihachu: TUBBO? ]  
[ TheEret: That isn't canon, right? ]   
[ Ranboo: Where is everyone ] 

Dream went through an enderchest, grabbing multiple healing and regeneration potions. 

He poured them on Tubbos wounds... nothing was working. 

The poor brunette. The boy was covered in blood, curled into himself. His suit which used to be clean and polished was ripped and dirty, revealing large burns on his torso. Tubbo, the oh so young president , was covered in blood. 

[ Quackity: WHSAUTJADSJFHFAWHUIH????? ]  
[ KarlJacobs: What the honk happened? ]  
[ CaptainPuffy: NO ]

The wounds were too much. He couldn't be healed.

[ Tommyinnit whispered to you: WHERE ARE YOU. ]

\---POV SWAP---

A familiar melody played, awakening the small boy. 

It was so cold. Tubbo opened his eyes.

Why was he leaning against a tree?   
He got up, wobbling, but went- much higher than expected.  
Why was he flying? Wasn't flight banned on the server?

He looked down... seeing nothing. He went to find a mirror or- anything.

What happened? 

The brunette glided through the air, looking for something.

Oh! There was a ocean nearby. Why was he near a ocean again? ....Not sure.

He stared into the water. His green shirt was torn, dirty and bloody. 

Why was it bloody? 

His overalls were also ripped, bloody, and the bottoms were muddy. a small bee sticker was slowly peeling off of it.

Tubbo stared at his reflection, realizing his skin was deathly pale, and his eyes- Where were his eyes? It was just a dull, glowy green.

His face was pale , but with strange grey streaks coming from his eyes to his chin. What happened? 

Then it clicked. He was semi-transparent.   
Was Tubbo a ghost? He couldn't remember. 

What can he remember? How did he die?  
Small visions popped into his head. Sobbing, Wind, yelling, and guilt. 

A lot of guilt.

... He looked around, unsure of where he was.   
It was all exploded.. gone? What happened here? 

While looking around, he came across a man in a green hoodie. 

The grass around the area was so red- it made him nervous. 

He approached the crying man.   
He recognizes him!

Clay? He tried to remember his name.  
A few memories popped up.

A house on a highway, a bench, a jukebox, smoke, the sound of pistons. 

He got closer, noticing another small boy- 

\---Thats him!  
Why is he- 

It clicked. 

The tower, His body in the pool of blood...

He's definitely dead. 

\---POV SWAP---

Tommy had started sprinting towards L'manberg. When the message of his friend dying popped up, everyone started to worry.   
He ran, faster than he ever had. He didn't even worry about dying- or the fact that he's breaking the law by being here.

The blonde needed to find his best friend.

''TUBBO? ARE YOU HERE?'' He yelled.  
It seems others were looking for him, too.

A buzz came from his communicator. 

[ Dream: Logstedshire. ] 

And everyone started running. 

Tommy got there first, knowing his way through the nether. 

His best friend would be on the other side, waiting for him, he'd be ok. He'd be fine. He'd be- 

He got through the portal and started to look around. 

The place brought back horrible memories. It still had the faint smell of smoke from when Dream exploded it. 

Thats when he saw it. The familiar green hoodie sitting by the tower he had built. 

Why is it there?

''Dream, What happe-''

Everything froze. 

''...Tubbo?''

Tommy had noticed Tubbo, HIS Tubbo, laying on the ground where the tower he built was.

The tower had grown another block wider. 

Tommy didn't even realize he had fallen to his knees, or notice the fact he was screaming. 

Slowly, more people began to crowd near the towers. 

Tommy took out the compass. The words on it broke him, like it was stabbing him. 

It was mocking him.

The needle spun wildly. 

...

''Your Tubbo.''


	3. Deathhole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ghost boy tries to comfort his past bestfriend, but all he can remember about the friend is wars , fire , and horrible things.
> 
> what will go wrong?

\----TUBBOS POV.----

The lonely ghost stared at the crowd of people , now formed around his corpse. 

He knew that he'd soon become visible, so he could try and comfort the people there?

But-- who CAN he remember in that crowd?

A few people gave him memories. 

A blonde boy holding a compass, horrible sights of blood, explosions and war.   
Thats.. strange- It felt like something was missing. 

A boy who was black and white, with a crown.   
They were friends with them! Tubbo remembered him. 

...  
Everyone else seemed to be a blur. 

He flew through the nether portal, making his way down the path, trying to find something to make him remember. 

Wasn't the nether supposed to be hot? Why was it so cold..  
There were a bunch of monsters. He remembered fighting them off, but none of them payed attention to him.

The brunette shivered and continued on his way. 

He got through the second portal, and blinked. 

It was a large flag looming over what seemed to be a country over a large ravine.

It was pretty- but he didn't remember coming here.

He decided to look around. 

The ghost aimlessly wandered around the country. It all seemed so new to him...

when he saw someone come out of the portal and collapse. 

\---Tommys POV---  
He quickly ran off, sobbing.

His communicator was still buzzing, full of people worried. 

[ Sapnap: What the fuck happened? ]  
[ WilburSoot: Its ok!! Have some blue ]  
[ BadBoyHalo: Thank you Ghostbur. ^_^ ]

Tubbo wouldn't die, right? He'd be respawned in l'manberg! 

Tommy flung himself through the portal, landing on the ground, sobbing. 

His best friend was there, of course he wasn't dead! He'd never- 

Tommy propped himself against the side of the portal, bringing his legs to his head. 

He sobbed into his arms. 

When a cold touch was on his shoulder.  
He guessed it was ghostbur. 

"There there- Its okay! Don't cry-'' They frowned. 

''You don't understand, Ghostbur! Tubbos dead, and I wasn't there to help him- '' Tommy continued sobbing. Everything he said was barely heard through sobs. 

''What am I going to do without hi--''

''Whos Ghostbur?'' 

What? If this wasn't ghostbur, who was he talking to?

He turned.

His Tubbo. 

''Why are you crying?'' The ghost asked again. 

Tommy stared at his best friends ghost. There was so much to take in- 

The burns from the festival were way more visible than before- there was so many wounds that were only now visible. 

How did this happen to his best friend?

Why did he let this happen?

"Tubbo-"

Thats when he noticed it. 

A small necklace hanging from Tubbos neck, at the end, was a compass.

Your Tommy?- 

No way- 

Tommy thought Tubbo hated him, he thought Tubbo burnt the compass. 

But- ghosts only carry things important to them- 

Why did he have the compass?

''Tubbo, why did you have to fucking die?!''

''Uh.. I'm not sure! I really don't remember anything.. I do remember a few things though. '' Tubbo laughed nervously. 

''What,, how did it happen?'' 

''Oh... I'll try explaining it!'' Tubbo sat down next to him. 

''Ok.. So,... I remember a lot of crying, and I remember me talking about how someone hated me, and that my best friend was dead? But I don't remember the best friend I was talking about. ''

...What?

''I remember looking for that friend, and instead I found a lot of creeper holes! ''

...Did he-

''I remember... I got extremely upset, and I thought my friend was dead, because of a large tower!''

''Then... I remember building somewhere... ''  
'And placing a disk on a piece of dirt. ''

''Then it was dark. ''

Did Tubbo think he was dead?

\--Did Tubbo die thinking I hated him?

Did Tubbo commit suicide?

It would explain the tears- it would explain the tower- it- 

.........  
Did he cause Tubbos death?


	4. [not story]

Hey guys!! It’s good to see a lot of people like this story ^^

I’m not gonna be updating it much since I’m very tired and I’m focusing on other things ! 

If u have any suggestions on what u wanna see in future chapters say it here <3


	5. Flower field

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE -  
> There has been a timeskip from Tommy’s encounter with Tubbo to Tubbos funeral , just wanted 2 clear that up!

_“Tommy, look at how pretty these flowers are! I hope they’re good enough!”_

_“Yeah, they do.”_

_Tommy sat at the bench, getting up to put a disc in the jukebox. Tubbo had ran over to near Tommy’s house to plant a few flowers._

_“ Tommy? Do you think bees will end up coming here because of the flowers? “ The moobloom hybrid sat up, admiring their work. The house looked much better now._

_Tommy slid the disc in. “ dunno bitch, da bees don’t know nobody “_

_They both laughed._

_“ Tubbo, c’mere! The suns about to set. “ Tommy called over for him._

_“Coming!!!” Tubbo ran over and flung himself onto the bench, sitting next to his best friend._

_The brunette and blonde boy both stared straight forwards as the sun slowly went down. The music that filled the air seemed to stop all violence going on in the server, at least at that moment._

_“ Tommy? Do you think L’manberg will win the war..?”_

_“FUCK YEAH! We’re totally better than that bitch-face!” Tommy cheered._

_The two sat there until the sun went down. ___

__)flashback end(_ _

__Tommy got up from the ground, wiping away a few tears.  
“ Hey- Ghostbur, look how pretty these flowers are.. I hope they’re good enough.“_ _

__Tommy placed down the flowers Tubbo had planted so long ago onto his grave._ _


End file.
